My life is seriously spinning out of control. I'm stressed, going bald DUE to said stress and I can barely keep my head screwed on straight.

I've been dealing with school, changes in my personal life and most likely, a change of address. When I'm getting kicked out of my house, I have no idea but there's a very good fucking chance that I'll be forced to move back in with my parents. *insert humorless laugh and the sound of karma kicking my ass all over town*

I won't be around here much for a few months. I need to focus on myself and my kids and hopefully not have to focus on getting a lawyer and heading to court for child and spousal support but I'm steeling myself for that becoming all to real a possibility.

Thanks for everyone's understanding.

Come home from school today and I'm extremely tired. I don't know why but maybe it's the weather. It's cold and rainy here.

ANYWAY...I find out I have a package.

Huh? I didn't order anything from Poland... *opens package. Sees a green shirt*

Wahhh? What the...



*mouth drops open, heart beats fast and the some words come out of my mouth*

ADI!!!! You little sneak! *grabs you and hugs you tightly* I had no idea that you were gonna do this! I'll admit, when I saw the shirt I was all "gimme gimme want want want" but I never thought that you'd give it to me!

You are sooooooooooooo sweet! Saturday, I'm heading out to see Toy Story 1 and 2 in 3D with some classmates and I'm showing off my 58 mine shirt! This weekend, I will take pictures of me and Becca in our fantastic shirts that you made us.


And you deserve every freaking penny I sent you.

I was sick with apprehension, worried about rejection and basically... a ball of nerves.

I always thought being alone would be preferable to getting my heart broken. I guess I was wrong.

It's from a movie but I like to think of this quote as my new personal motto.

A life lived in fear, is a life half lived.

I'm trying my best to not live my life in fear, to grab every moment and rejoice in it. To be happy with who I am and make goals and stick with them. To realize that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't so far away and I CAN reach it.

That attitude is what I wish for my friends, my family and most of all, My Special Someone Who Is Just For Me.


I Love You.

are without health insurance in the US.

Due to some circumstances, which I don't want to get into cause it will only cause my blood pressure to sky rocket again, I'm without health insurance as of September 1st.

The kids are covered through a state program and John's covered through the VA but as for me...

Well, I'm shit out of luck.

There's a slim possibility that I might be able to get coverage if I fill out a bunch of paperwork and the state decides that I'm sick enough to warrant coverage. Also, I have to fill out paperwork for the drug companies, practically begging them to give me free drugs.

My hair is falling out even more and you can see right through to my scalp all over the top of my head. The inside of my mouth is torn apart cause I'm so stressed and constantly chewing it. I've got a test on Monday in Anatomy and Physiology and it's only 30 questions, which means I can only get 1 or 2 wrong and still have an A and it's on the blood system, which is a bitch of a system to learn.

I just wanna curl up into a corner and not come out.

Oh and coding? It's a bitch. I dream every night about it. Last night, I dreamed that I had to code and bill Sashi and Rine's wedding. *headdesk* Your flowers needed modifiers, the ring bearer had at least three different codes and diagnoses and I couldn't find the ICD-9 code for Rine's dress!

And I've got 8 more months of school to go! *sobs*

I tried to hold myself back for as long as I could and that lasted 2 hours. Week three is over!

I've got a busy weekend ahead of me though. Got a four page typed paper to write about a heart or blood condition. I picked HIV/AIDS. There's tons of good info out there so it should be easy to find enough stuff to write about. I've also got to do a poster for a disease that's caused by a nutritional deficiency. I picked Scurvy.

Ten points to whomever can tell me what that disease is and NO GOOGLING IT!

Did very well on my tests this week. I'm carrying a 4.0 so far this semester. My nickname is OA for over achiever. If I thought they meant it, I would be upset. I do have another nickname. Staples...cause I have pens, pencils, rubber bands, folders, paper, etc. They tease me that I'm a walking Staples store.

I've been wearing wrist braces for carpel tunnel and they've helped a lot. I still have to be careful not to type too much or my fingers and hands will start to burn and throb.

The kids are in Vegas with my parents this week. I'll miss them terribly over the weekend but the house will be quiet so I can get my stuff done. Sashi, you should take a trip to Vegas and find them. I'm sure my mom would LOVE you!! XD