I was sick with apprehension, worried about rejection and basically... a ball of nerves.

I always thought being alone would be preferable to getting my heart broken. I guess I was wrong.

It's from a movie but I like to think of this quote as my new personal motto.

A life lived in fear, is a life half lived.

I'm trying my best to not live my life in fear, to grab every moment and rejoice in it. To be happy with who I am and make goals and stick with them. To realize that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't so far away and I CAN reach it.

That attitude is what I wish for my friends, my family and most of all, My Special Someone Who Is Just For Me.


I Love You.

are without health insurance in the US.

Due to some circumstances, which I don't want to get into cause it will only cause my blood pressure to sky rocket again, I'm without health insurance as of September 1st.

The kids are covered through a state program and John's covered through the VA but as for me...

Well, I'm shit out of luck.

There's a slim possibility that I might be able to get coverage if I fill out a bunch of paperwork and the state decides that I'm sick enough to warrant coverage. Also, I have to fill out paperwork for the drug companies, practically begging them to give me free drugs.

My hair is falling out even more and you can see right through to my scalp all over the top of my head. The inside of my mouth is torn apart cause I'm so stressed and constantly chewing it. I've got a test on Monday in Anatomy and Physiology and it's only 30 questions, which means I can only get 1 or 2 wrong and still have an A and it's on the blood system, which is a bitch of a system to learn.

I just wanna curl up into a corner and not come out.

Oh and coding? It's a bitch. I dream every night about it. Last night, I dreamed that I had to code and bill Sashi and Rine's wedding. *headdesk* Your flowers needed modifiers, the ring bearer had at least three different codes and diagnoses and I couldn't find the ICD-9 code for Rine's dress!

And I've got 8 more months of school to go! *sobs*

I tried to hold myself back for as long as I could and that lasted 2 hours. Week three is over!

I've got a busy weekend ahead of me though. Got a four page typed paper to write about a heart or blood condition. I picked HIV/AIDS. There's tons of good info out there so it should be easy to find enough stuff to write about. I've also got to do a poster for a disease that's caused by a nutritional deficiency. I picked Scurvy.

Ten points to whomever can tell me what that disease is and NO GOOGLING IT!

Did very well on my tests this week. I'm carrying a 4.0 so far this semester. My nickname is OA for over achiever. If I thought they meant it, I would be upset. I do have another nickname. Staples...cause I have pens, pencils, rubber bands, folders, paper, etc. They tease me that I'm a walking Staples store.

I've been wearing wrist braces for carpel tunnel and they've helped a lot. I still have to be careful not to type too much or my fingers and hands will start to burn and throb.

The kids are in Vegas with my parents this week. I'll miss them terribly over the weekend but the house will be quiet so I can get my stuff done. Sashi, you should take a trip to Vegas and find them. I'm sure my mom would LOVE you!! XD

I'm going to a technical school to learn Medical Billing and Coding. The first semester is five weeks long and ends on the eighteenth of August. In Anatomy and Physiology, I will be learning Basic Word structure which includes Root words, Prefixes and Suffixes. That took 300 note cards. I'm learning the Integumentary System which is your skin, hair, nails, etc. Next up is the Cardiovascular System and the Respiratory System and last up is the Digestive system.

That's the first five weeks in Anatomy and Physiology. Needless to say, my fingers are cramped, my head is full of Latin and Greek terms and I'm spending my nights flipping those damn index cards until my fingers have little paper cuts.

But, I got a A on my first test. I've got two more semesters of Anatomy and Physiology to go.

My next class is Medical Office Procedures. We learn how to fill out patient charts, scheduling, filing, things like that. We had to write a essay about one of the major health organizations, like WHO or CDC or Department of Health and Human Services. I picked the last one and got an A. We had a test today and I think I did pretty well.

My favorite class is Law and Ethics. I think I'm the only one in the class that actually likes the class and the teacher, which is a good thing seeing that she's going to be my teacher when we get into Coding.

Had my first test in that class on Monday and got an A.

I wasted my educational opportunity when I was younger but I'll be damned if I'm gonna waste it now.

To all of you who follow my stories, I'm sorry to say that they are all on hiatus. My homework load is 4 hours a night. I come home at 4, eat dinner, relax for a bit and by 5pm, I've got the books open and I'm reviewing, filling out blanks and coloring diagrams.

There's just no way I can write with this heavy of a class load and it's just gonna get worse. In February, I start what they call an Externship. That means instead of going to class, I got to a Doctor's office and do on the job training. I've started to look into what kind of office I want to be in. I'm going to look into hospice care or perhaps dermatology.

My Ikkou is just wonderful, dressing up in loli cheerleader outfits and shaking their booty for me. (At least that's what you're wearing in MY mind.)

You've got a twin in PA. She looks so much like you that I keep wanting to call her Koumy!

I miss you so damn much! I miss talking to you, writing little silly drabbles for you and chatting with you online. Honey? I wanna watch House with you and be all geeky and nerdy and breakdown all the medical terms!

Sleepy now. Five AM comes pretty early.

Don't panic, I'm not gonna be doing these every week.

Well, I made it through my first week of classes. We only go four days a week, which is going to be really nice cause I'll have three days to process all of the information I learned in that week.

My classes for this term are Anatomy and Physiology, Medical Office Procedures and Law & Ethics. I'm loving Medical Office and Law & Ethics! For Medical Office, we had to do a practice exercise of typing up a letter. Mine got read to the class and my teacher kept it to use as an example on how a business letter should read. I was . I jokingly asked for a gold star and she put one on the letter! Today, she gave it back to me and asked if I was gonna put it on the fridge. I told her my kids wanted me to bring it home so I could put it on the fridge! Both her and my Law & Ethics teacher are so nice and so fun to talk to.

Watching House and Bones has given me a little edge in Anatomy an Physiology but not much. We have to learn the root of the word, prefixes and suffixes. I wrote over 250 flash cards to help me learn. I've got 15 spelling words to memorize for a test on Monday. Words like electrocardiogram. That word means to record the electricity in the heart. Exciting huh?

I don't know if I'll be online at all this weekend. John is leaving for CA tomorrow and I'm sure I won't be on then. I'm dreading tomorrow for the kids' sake.